Pennywise does live in the sewer, rent free. That speaks to financial discipline. And he eats children, who are also free. Based on that, I’m gonna say the name is more likely earnest than ironic.
You Might Also Like
Top 5 forms of torture
5. Sleep deprivation
4. Dentist drills
3. Solitary confinement
2. Water boarding
1. Cilantro
ROBBER: is this all the cash?
CASHIER: yes but would you like to donate $1 to charity
ROBBER [tears welling up inside his ski mask]: ok
Him: Take off your socks. They don’t belong in bed.
Me: My socks are off, though.
Him: I meant the sock puppets on your hands.
Right sock puppet: Well, you’re no fun.
Left sock puppet: *blows raspberries*
The headline “WORLD’S OLDEST PERSON DIES” could also be “WORLD HAS NEW OLDEST PERSON”.
Nobody has to pee more than a small child who has just put on 10 lbs of snow gear.
If you dropped a can of Heinz Alphabet Spaghetti off a skyscraper it could spell disaster.
people see me spend money and think im rich bro im just irresponsible
Animal testing is pointless. We already know they’re animals.
Breaking News: Man shaped like a garbage bag full of potato salad upset with outcome of sporting event.
I remember the first time I saw a McDonald’s “Free refills on same visit only” sign on their soft drink fountain. Shaking my head, I thought, some people are so damn cheap, while grabbing as many napkins and ketchup packets as I could hold.
Ad: ‘Did you know facebook dating is totally free?’
Me: oh, I think there’s a cost.
I love how some stores don’t even bother hiding that they sell fakes. I respect the hell out of a shop that has Professor Martins front and center. Yes please I will take one pair of Air Georges.
Naked and not afraid to dance in front of a large crowd.
Unrelated: Ambien is not candy.
My wife apparently was serious about the whole “even if you were the last man on earth” thing.
Wait one second “Mario Brothers” Implies that Luigi’s name is Luigi Mario and Mario’s name is Mario Mario….What is this I’m smoking again?
We wouldn’t really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.
If you drink enough tequila you’re just an open bar for vampires
[harry potter, college edition]
Voldemort: the boy who lived, come t-
Harry: yeah yeah just kill me already
Voldemort: wh-what
Harry: i’m $100k in debt and i have a masters in communications
Voldemort: *giggling* on second thought nevermind
(My first day as a Judge): Bay leaf! Season the prisoner!
Courtroom:
Me: … Well this is embarrassing
[stepping out of time machine] shit I forget why I came to this year
what I’m actually doing when I don’t pick up any calls
[Tarot reading ends]
Reader: Remember, you’ve been warned!
Me: *looks up from phone* Oh maybe I should have been listening to that.
Big brouhaha at the farmer’s market today when the fishstand guy set up next to the candle lady and no one could smell her candles and her boyfriend the homemade soap guy tried to intervene but ended up buying a fresh cut salmon.
Imagine if we discovered another ocean. I hope we name it Billy
I asked my doctor about prescribing me sleep medication and he asked if I had tried “giving yourself permission to sleep” instead and now I’m so mad I don’t think I’ll ever sleep again
Frozen (2013) A young girl spends years in solitude & must plan her parent’s funeral alone because her sister is secretly one of the X-Men
Kid: What’re you doing?
Me: Trying to decide whether I’d rather have a live-in housekeeper or a personal chef.
Kid: We can only have one?
She’s mastered this game.
[in bathroom stall]
Me: …
Guy: …most people wait their turn outside of the stall
I walk around my yard with a fake ankle monitor so my neighbors will not ask me to watch their kids
The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.