Toddlers are fun because every so often they‘ll agree with almost anything you say.
Me: we’re going out tonight okay?
Me: we’re gonna get into some trouble.
Me: start a revolution.
Me: Then we’ll go to bed.
People choosing to not hang their laundry out to dry anymore is why I’m having a hard time improving my wardrobe.
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english words that pitbull knows:
Maybe I forgot to text back. Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Voldemort’s parents took the “I got your nose” game a little to seriously.
What’s the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I’m mailing to someone
My kid woke up sick and told me he was gonna eat a bunch of junk food since ‘obviously vitamins don’t work’ and I think we should consider his position
Michelle Obama should have dropped the mic and moonwalked out.
Daughter: Before the internet how’d you get anything done?!
Me: I don’t remember honey. Google it.
the vatican should not be allowed to name any new saints until God sorts out my numerous issues with the citibank web portal