People need to quit hating on women that breastfeed in public. I’m allowed to raise my cat however I want.
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“Why yes, you can use my phone for a second.”
If you cut off my head I’ll continue eating for two more days.
Me to Copilot: Does “d73H” mean anything to you?
Copilot: Hmm… No. Why?
Me: That nerd down there on the beach seems to think it does.
Instead of saying “I lost 35 pounds”,
say, “I lost half a super-model”
You said clothes were 50% off
But not one woman in here is topless
That false advertising!
I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said “This is what happens to roses who cross me”
Haven’t you heard, Fanny packs are back.
Him: It’s just… I’ve never seen anyone eating boiled eggs out of one…
Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers… Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.
please enjoy this masterpiece I spent way too long creating