People often ask how I got to where I am and I look ‘em right in the eyes and tell ‘em I ran out of gas

You Might Also Like


I have a joke about the pandemic but it’s taking too long to finish


Don’t be alarmed when you’re knocking on the Gates of hell and the devil doesn’t answer….He is dealing with me.


“Carrie” is my favourite movie about how religious faith leads to supernatural mass murder.


Don’t tell me I’m not charitable. This weekend I gave away a lawn mower, a grill, and a full set of patio furniture.

My neighbor is PISSED.


Based on Harrison’s choice of best place to land, golfers are the most dispensable.


A childless co-worker just told me that he hasn’t been sick in 5 years

Meanwhile, I’m a dad of 3 living in a bubbling cauldron of plague-infested boogers, pee, and sick-vapor.

Sooooo……I don’t want to kill the guy

But should I sneeze on him just for fun?


add excitement to your marriage by putting soap in one of the cast-iron pans


Owner: I want to charge 6.99 for a cookie

Devil: I’ve got an idea