its cute how 2020 is trying to out do itself by being more shitty everyday. almost like it’s trying to impress me….omg are u flirting with me, 2020?
People talk about the environment like the Earth’s in danger. Don’t worry about Earth. Earth was a ball of magma once. Worry about us.
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Laying in bed with the wife last night, she asked “what would you like to do most to my body?””identify it” probably wasnt the right answer
you know who REALLY dies after Infinity War? DC.
Hear me out on this. Limewire Festival. Bands from the early 2000s play mislabeled songs that aren’t actually theirs, tickets available as a .exe with a 70% chance of destroying your computer.
If you set someone free, love them. Wait I mean, if you love someone for free, set them. That doesn’t make sense. Forget it.
There’s safety in numbers.
CDC: Uh, no.
Son: Daddy can I have a balloon?
Me: If you’re good.
Son: Good at what?
Me: Buying your own balloons
Documentaries not only expand my world views, but also compel me to change my behavior for a solid 24-36 hours.
To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.
Swordsman: [draws sword] prepare to die
Me: [takes out pen] oh I don’t think so buddy