@_salt_n_lime

People who disagree with me know that they’re wrong, right?

You Might Also Like

@rzarosco

“We should definitely let dolphins go into space instead of monkeys” said one scientist obviously not a dolphin dressed up as a scientist

@RegularFred

I was banned from guitar class because of an inappropriate reaction to “let’s practice your fingering technique”

@numeri33

Someone is at work raving about how good her tofu meatloaf was that she served for dinner.

I’ma tell you now, you serve me tofu anything, and I will consider it an at of war.

@upsidedowntrash

[God creating lizards]
God: How about a snake with arms and legs?
Snake: [trys to throw its arms up in disgust, but just remains very still]

@AimeeHelene1

(my first day in customer service)

Caller: I can’t understand you.

Caller’s wife: Omg that’s so rude! That’s her accent and she…

Me: *talking with huge bite of peanut butter sandwich in my mouth*
“Maweee ty ushin the ower off n on”

@PaperWash

*jesus turns water to wine*
me: you can’t just insert goods into an economy you’ll cause deflation
Jesus: my child-
me: NO! it’s bullshit!