How much for the horse tornado?
Sir, that’s a carousel.
I must have it.
People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
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15: I hope it’s him!
25: hope it’s about the job
35: (handing phone to stranger) i died. tell them
<password must contain a number>
*7 hours later*
I’d explain it to you again but I’m fresh out of crayons and puppets
If you’re not cheating on me, then why won’t you let me install surveillance cameras in your house.
therapist: u suffer from social isolation
me: oh no
therapist: you just need to talk to people
me: OH NO
Homosexuality was still classified as an illness in Sweden in 1979. Swedes protested by calling in sick to work saying they felt gay.
*peeks under bathroom stall*
How’s the wifi signal in there?
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.