@Crunk_Jews: People who use a vacation day the day after Christmas to have relatives over clearly don't understand the meaning of the word vacation.
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@MatCro: [watching TV] GF: Tickle my back please ME: Is that nice? GF: Little bit higher ME: [very slightly squeaky voice] Is that nice?
@GrantTanaka: listed a taco bell employee as my emergency contact cause by god, before I leave this shit planet I am having one last chalupa
@Rollmaninoz: [enter password] *Correct* [your password is incorrect] Me: ahh that's right *incorrect* Login Successful
@MollySneed: I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.