Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren’t just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?
person 1: use a parachute when you go skydiving
person 2: don’t tell me what to do
person 2: *dies skydiving*
person 1: I hate to say it but—
person 3: *pushing people out of a plane* DON’T MAKE HIS DEATH ABOUT A STUPID PARACHUTE
You Might Also Like
If you can’t be fun to be around then please be a drug dealer
Hey morons, when in doubt, just spell it “theiyr’re.”
Just had a customer giving me his email and he said “E as in X-ray” 😭
Interviewer: do you work well under pressure?
Me: Jesus Christ man, I’m thinking
Anna: If you don’t wanna build a snowman I feel bad for you, son.
Elsa: I got 99 problems but the cold ain’t one.
I want to date a girl who is willing to solve any disagreements with impromptu light-saber battles.
Wife: where’s the baby?
Me: up on the roof
Wife: THE ROOF?
Me: relax. He’s got sunscreen on
i actually want my products tested on animals, if a bear doesn’t like the ps5 i know i won’t either
Just saw two homeless men hitting each other with pieces of cardboard. Pillow fight!!