@Jamberee13

Person: *falls in love with me*

Me: I have felt bad for a spoon I accidentally threw away because it probably thinks I don’t want it anymore and, why is it the only spoon the in the trash.

Person: ok cool, never mind.

You Might Also Like

@skepti_ghoul

Thinking about going to 50 Shades and eating loudly the whole time.

@Ibeerya

Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched.

Both their phones must’ve been stolen.

@Daveastated

Her: The next person that tells me to smile is not gonna know what hit them.

Wedding Photographer: and if you could all look at the camera…

@robdelaney

Brad Pitt might be “better looking” than me, but I am considerably fatter.

@bendymommy

Sorry I can’t date you because I’m seeing anybody else.

@Darlainky

I love sleeping, mainly because I get a break from sucking my gut in.

@TweetPotato314

Trying to get healthier, I took up shadow boxing. I’m getting a lot better at it, but so is he.

@junejuly12

If I’m extra friendly and super sweet when I see you again, it’s cause I’ve forgotten your name