@SugarMagicSpice
@Dr_awfulpants [Doctor office]
-How are you feeling?
-Not good.
-Any side effects from the medication?
*cries tears of fire*
-Now that you mention it…
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@Dr_awfulpants 
@MrGeorgeWallace Just hired a dirtying lady. About to watch her and my cleaning lady fight it out.
@ThugRaccoons Son: Did you know some birds mate for life?
Me: All birds mate for life. That’s the point, dummy.
@ArfMeasures DIRTY HARRY [points gun] Go ahead make my day
*I take him to the zoo & then the park, we have ice cream*
DH: well this has been wonderful
@momsense_ensues Curious, how many years do you keep a mismatched sock before you can get rid of it? Is it like taxes? 7years?
@mexinonblonde *crawls towards him gets between his legs and asks*
What do you want?Him-Whatever you want.
Me-*gets a bowl of ice cream and turns on tv*
@whoismrrobot We were begging to be conned. #MrRobot
@AnOrangeSNES When the Eagles wrote the lyric “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device,” they weren’t kidding.
Posted from my iPhone
@MmeSurly My favorite thing about famous people is that they can be “brave” and “daring” by just leaving the house in stupid looking clothes.