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@dumbbeezie: Phone: face not recognized
Me: *starts crying*
Phone: Ahh there it is
@SequelsWeWant: Inside Out 2:
The girl enters puberty.
Her emotions get out of control.
She goes Goth.
Sadness murders the other emotions in their sleep
@LizHackett: ME: My dog's so happy I'm working from home.
DOG (to camera): Honestly, a heads up would have been nice. I had shit planned today.
@Parker_Simpson: always good to put one of those Apple stickers that comes with ur iPhone on your car so thieves know which car to break in to.
@MaybePileJokes: *first date*
her: I can suck a golf ball through a garden hose
me: I like the sound of that
her: mmmmm oh do you now.
me: yes, I have two young kids. any chance you could suck a ham and cheese sandwich out of a dvd player?
@TheCiscoKidder: It's hard to look like a badass when you're slurping on a strawberry smoothie.