@molly7anne: Picture this. You’re blind folded. Sandra Bullock tells you not to look. You look. You’re surrounded by garbage and dirty socks. But how can this be? It smells amazing? This is a febreeze commercial.
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@mattgallo123: *goes to get phone out of car *sees car has been stolen *finds phone in back pocket OH THANK GOD
@roxiqt: Dudes always say they want a goth girlfriend until you accidentally turn into a bat in front of their mom.
@McGrumpenstein: "Thanks for the homemade wine. If going blind had a flavour, this would be it." * why I'm not allowed to write thank you cards anymore.
@SteveKoehler22: Canadian cattle can now legally graze on cannabis plants. The steaks have never been higher.