A marinara trench sounds nice tbh
Please. Old people. When you comment on a Facebook pic you don’t need to end with Love, James. WE CAN SEE YOUR NAME YOU’RE NOT AN OSTRICH
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thesaurus had the greatest vocabulary of all the dinosaurs
Telemarketer: Good afternoon, Sir.
Me: Do you walk with a limp?
Me: Want to?
Telemarketer: Thank you for your time.
Bank teller: interesting choice in masks
Me: The box said it moisturizes and cleans the pores
Reverse cowboy is when you scatter the herd and actively promote bandits and wolves to take what they will.
Jesus said to Peter, “Come forth and I will give you eternal glory.”
Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
“Dayyuuuum Giiiiirrrl… Did you fall from Heaven?”
*pokes body with stick*
friend: you watch anything good lately?
me: yeah a documentary about this serial killer that lured children into his house and killed them in elaborate ways
me: William Wonka
I have a horrible memory, unless we’re discussing something you did wrong.