@tarashoe: please sir. i beg of you. don't take away my job. i've got a tuscan kitchen & 2 full baths at home. sir. sir please. my kitchen. it's tuscan
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@Prof_Hinkley: [emailing eHarmony match] Her: describe yourself Me: brown hair, kinda stalky Her: lol you mean stocky Me [through her bedroom window]: No
@sixfootcandy: How to get out of jury duty: When they read the charges, yell out “Hell yeah! I’ve done that.”
@DukEB51: You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.