Please. Stop. Tweeting. Stop. Like. Stop.This.Stop. It. Stop. Looks.stop.Like.stop A stop.Telegram.stop so. Stop. Please. Stop!

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Me, as an undergrad, just starting upper level courses: THERE IS A PROFOUNDLY BEAUTIFUL REASON FOR ALL LAWS OF PHYSICS

Me, as a perpetual graduate student: Light goes that fast because it wants to


I’ve never seen a runner smiling.

So that’s all I need to know about that.


If these walls could talk I bet it would be gibberish cause these walls are plastered.


grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i’d see her again

me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road


A child will either wear a band-aid for 7 minutes or for two years.


[girl brings me back to her apartment]
her: come to bed
me: just one sec [velcro noises] [more velcro noises] [too many velcro noises]


*Death comes for me but is once again fooled by my false moustache*


I scream to my dogs as they all watch me trip, run into the coffee table and spill my coffee all over myself.


Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges


“I can try” is a great response to invitations because you’re not even committing to trying.