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@la_canadiangirl: Plot twist
Standing next to my stalkers bed watching him sleep
@realHamOnWry: *unexpected snow fall*
Americans: “It’s the end. The apocalypse is here!”
Canadians: “Huh…I might need a jacket"
Me: The kids aren't in the car.
Wife: I said it for me.
@: snakes on a plane sequels:
- snakes on a plane yes, again somehow
- penguins on a pirate ship
- dogs on parole
- horses in a bad mood
@PinkCamoTO: CW: You're not wearing a costume.
M: Yes I am.
CW: You're dressed as yourself?
M: No. I'm a serial killer. We look just like everyone else.
@Bripping_Talls: Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn't read the entire article.