Funny how people freak out over tiny spiders, but pull a giant one out of the ocean and everyone’s all let’s rip it’s legs off and dip ‘em in butter.
You Might Also Like
It’s like my pastor always says, “Who are you and why are you stealing wine?”
Every man was once a man trapped in a woman’s body.
Twitter keeps throwing in “in case you missed it” on my timeline…. I’ve been on twitter for the last 16 hours, I didnt miss it.
I’m getting to the age where I could be a cougar, but Wikipedia says cougars are “slender and agile” which pretty much rules that out.
Are you surprised at life in general or is that just the way you plucked your eyebrows?
Me: I can’t make it in today.
Boss: How sick are you?
M: I cut my sandwiches in rectangles instead of triangles.
B: Jesus, you ARE sick.
Ten: Number of fingers children have.
Twenty-six: Number of fingers children have when you try to put gloves on them.
Me: The new guy’s a lumberjack?
Me: He seems nice…
Me: I’ll bet he’s good at…
Me: random axe of kindness