@iwearaonesie

Pooh: There’s a rumbly in my tumbly
Piglet: What?
Pooh: There’s. A. Rumbly. In. My. Tumbly
Piglet:
Pooh: I’m hungry
Piglet: Say that then

You Might Also Like

@PorkUrPine

WIFE: look at that couple. He kisses his girl every time he sees her. Why can’t you do that
ME: I’d love to but I don’t know her well enough

@SamuelHLowe

Fencing proves that with enough rules even a sword fight can be boring as hell.

@izrigrod

if i was a bird i’d just ride around on other birds

@souls_asylum

Colleague: All Fossil watches should hv an ancient look, to justify the brand name
Me: By that logic, Guess watches shouldn’t show the time.

@iwearaonesie

wife: Why don’t we run through the parking lot?
me [laying on the ground in front of the car that hit me] Because it’s dangerous

@Julian_Deane

Money’s missing from under my pillow, I think I’ve been visited by the teef fairy.

@freedom2726

Hey! My husband wanted me to let you guys know he calls me his “wined up” toy.

@DevilryFun

Before marriage: fantasizes spending life together.

After marriage: fantasizes spending life insurance alone.

@flashember

[Morning after wedding]
*dead husband lies on bed*
PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again
MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body