Marriage: When dating goes too far.
Pop Rocks is like sugar isn’t enough, we should also detonate.
You Might Also Like
I’ll just have a salad.
*shoves a whole brisket in my maw like a bear going into hibernation*
‘Why do people even talk to babies? It’s not like they can understand anything’ I ask my dog.
What do you call a parsnip riding a dragon?
My mom found a Barbie Dreamhouse at a garage sale when I was a kid, but all the stickers were ripped off so I drew on appliances and wallpaper. Debbie, down the street, called it Barbie Crackhouse and now she wants to be my friend on Facebook? Ha!
bird 1: uh oh
bird 2: don’t worry he only has one stone
detective: take him away boys
video: *being dragged away* I DIDNT KILL THE RADIO STAR. I WAS FRAMED
YouTube: *flicks cigarette* the plan is going perfectly
Everyone rags on Facebook, but where else can you get a weather update, religious counseling, and a peach cobbler recipe all in one site.
How thin do you have to be to go skinny dipping?
Accidentally just told a girl that “she has a nice head” because I appearently have the flirting skills of a serial killer