@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
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@WilliamAder: My cat didn't get me a Father's Day card and things are a little tense around here right now.
@NewDadNotes: Me: [giggling] who is Thor’s favorite rapper? Wife: I don’t know, MC Hammer? Me: oh. Wife: [sigh] what’s wrong? Me: nothing...I mean...why did you say I don’t know if you clearly knew the answer.
@TweetsByKaylee: [spelling bee] moderator: your word is abandon me: can you use it in a sentence? moderator: everyone you love will abandon you me: omg moderator: lol no not even close