Prime ribs are just like regular ribs except they’re only divisible by themselves.
![]()
You Might Also Like
Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it’s like that now?
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive?
I just did and I won’t be allowed on this airline again
Most Well-known Speeches:
1. Gettysburg Address – Abe Lincoln
2. I Have a Dream – Martin Luther King
3. You Need to Floss – Every Dentist
Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it.
I don’t understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.
It’s ‘before’ not ‘B4’…
We don’t speak Bingo here…
My wife: where are the Cheetos?
Me:![]()
drivers seem to underestimate how willing i am to get knocked down at a zebra crossing to prove a point
Me: Time to give the undergoblin the Ol’ Razzle Dazzle…
Gynecologist: We’ve talked about this…Please, stop.
My one weakness? Probably my unshakable belief that, despite a total lack of training, I’ll be able to do karate if I’m ever in a fight.
Him: There’s something special about you.
Me: Some people tell me I smell like stinky cheese.
*His eyes glaze over* I love stinky cheese.
I took the garbage out even though it was raining. “Hero” is a strong word, but accurate in my case.
the wife told me that we’re invited to a country themed party so I’m wearing this
![]()
Mugger: Gimme yer wallet & don’t do nuthin dumb
Me: That’s a double negative, my friend. Unlike Romance languages, English – hey, come back
*first day working the gas pumps*
Me: ‘Paper or plastic?’
I find it funny when an actor starts off a movie doing an accent and then it mysteriously disappears like their paycheck just cleared
Women with horses are rich versions of cat ladies.
I think the problem is that I’m 20% stud and 80% muffin.
A drivers license is basically just a selfie with way too much info.
the biggest red flag in a relationship to me is when a partner tries to open the mysterious locked closet in my study with the doorknob that’s always somehow freezing cold after i’ve explicitly forbidden them from doing so! that or they like a movie that i don’t like
When I tickle my imaginary friend, people think Im casting spells
We’re looking for a place with a nice view of the sidewalk, a big garden to dig up and a soundproof basement for storms.
–Dog House Hunters
the legend of bigfoot and the bodacious badonkadonk
![]()
Sadiq’s joke in today’s Time Out 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
![]()
ME: excuse me did you say this was non-GMO
WAITER: yes that’s right
ME: [pointing to my alphabet soup] there’s like a dozen of them in there
*boyfriend calls girlfriend*
Bf: “Hey Babe, I love you!”
Gf: “we’re breaking up”
Bf: “no we’re not, I can hear you just fine.”
Kevin didn’t know how much longer he could fake laugh at Linda’s dumb jokes, but he did know he didn’t want to be glue.
![]()
ME: argh the salty air be getting to me head just hand over the treasure ya scurvy knave
LONG JOHN SILVERS CASHIER: *rolls eyes* *gives me my change*
John Lennon got shot and died.
Cam’ron got shot and drove to the hospital in a Lamborghini.
Not even a contest.
Logically the best time to kick someone is when they are down