@duplicitron

Probably the rudest thing you can do to a stingray is catch it with a fishing pole and then fly it like a kite.

You Might Also Like

@weinerdog4life

No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat!

*throws cat at Kinko’s employee

@ShellHasDragons

People will excuse almost anything if you carry your toothbrush with purpose, everywhere.

@MunkMania

*walks into business conference*

*everyone stares and gasps because I have a hotel coffee cup instead of Starbucks*

*one lady starts crying and gives me her cup*

@Reverend_Scott

[bum holds his hand out]

“can I have some change?”

change comes from within

“thank u. now I’m not poor anymore”

@Smooheed

I’m the kind of girl people don’t look twice at

Even when I hit them hard with a shopping trolley one, two, thr…

Yep, now he’s looking

@T_Bonezzz

When I go shopping I like to buy condoms and cat food at the same time just to confuse the cashier

@iMonkGreen

“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”

@Phillylawyer7

Dirty Dancing is my favorite movie about a girl who cannot dance at all, but wins a dance competition because her partner has a great mullet

@treydayway

Don’t give people who sneeze loudly the attention they crave.

@Lucky_Leftovers

My daughter said “daddy we are not friends with Brooklyn because she said I dress weird”

No questions asked now I got beef with a 4 y/o named Brooklyn and her father.

I dont make the rules to this gang shit. I just play my role.