@MatCro

PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids!

MAGENTO: I think you’ve got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*

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@boring_as_heck

Oh, I can’t check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You’re saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?

@joeyellis

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN’T BE OLD PASSWORD.

sets fire to computer

@fuzzypantaloons

Have you ever stopped & thought about how there are hundreds of millions of really nice suits just buried underground?

@SortaBad

Halloween costumes

Age 10: monster

Age 25: sexy fireman

Age 35: sexy mobilization to end systematic oppression of underrepresented groups

@unibrowbeater

“It’s pronounced poor-shah, not por-shh.”
“Ok, got it doo-shah.”

@WheelTod

Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they’d be only 11.5 inches tall?

@GlennWool

when the news anchor says “if you know anything about the crime please contact police”
dont call the police and re-tell the news story

@trojansauce

*drinks milkshake*
*runs to yard*
*sifts through all the boys*
*sighs*
*puts up more posters for missing son*