Oh, I can’t check my disobedient child with the rest of my luggage? You’re saying I have to carry-on my wayward son?
PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids!
MAGENTO: I think you’ve got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*
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My cardio is mostly just running out of excuses not to exercise.
My crush is getting married so I made a three teared cake
NEW PASSWORD CAN’T BE OLD PASSWORD.
sets fire to computer
Have you ever stopped & thought about how there are hundreds of millions of really nice suits just buried underground?
Age 10: monster
Age 25: sexy fireman
Age 35: sexy mobilization to end systematic oppression of underrepresented groups
“It’s pronounced poor-shah, not por-shh.”
“Ok, got it doo-shah.”
Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they’d be only 11.5 inches tall?
when the news anchor says “if you know anything about the crime please contact police”
dont call the police and re-tell the news story
*runs to yard*
*sifts through all the boys*
*puts up more posters for missing son*