@: PSA: Don't EVER let your printer know that you've waited until the last minute to print something out and you're in hurry because they can sense fear.
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@JessicaVarsity: I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*
@blade_funner: [GOD CREATING BEES] G: Super important A: k G: And their spit tastes delicious. A....k G: But they're so *clenches fists* angry
@Mr_Kapowski: My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"
@BoogTweets: [hotel room] Her: why are you making the bed Me: I can’t have housekeeping thinking we’re slobs, Karen