Woman cut me off, stole my parking spot. I honked, flipped her off and went into yoga. Woman came into class as the instructor. Namaste.
Psychologist: [holds up inkblot] and this one?
Me: a black swirling pit of despair
Psychologist: nope, it’s a duck wearing a funny hat
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LEAVE ME ALONE GRANDMA I’M ENTERTAINING LITERALLY TENS OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET
If you bought more toilet paper than you need legally I’m allowed to come poop at your house
There are 2 kinds of people:
1) Happy morning people
2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Some guy just passed toilet paper under the stall without me even asking. I’m not sure if he is a pervert or a wizard.
*jesus picks up bread*
this is my body
*jesus picks up wine*
this is my blood
*jesus picks up guitar*
this is the STORY OF A GIRL
You girls were right about these yoga pants. I have never been more comfortable eating a bucket of extra crispy.
With virtually no power, there still comes a surprisingly large amount of responsibility.
Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That’s why the other countries are winning.
Forgetting what you went into the kitchen to get is one thing but, it’s darn scary when you can’t remember why you went into the bathroom!