I’ve got butterflies in my stomach this morning, and a lifetime ban from the Entomology section at the Natural History Museum.
[Pulling brother’s life support plug]
*whispers in ear*
“This is for that time you cheated at Monopoly.”
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Writing advice: Write well, not badly. Keep writing until the book is finished. After you’re finished, get the book published. Sell a lot of copies, not just a few.
dude that designs dressing rooms: make em tiny like an upright coffin. good. now make the lighting so that bare skin looks like nightmares.
HIM: So, you like Star Wars.
ME: *sipping soup thru a bendy straw so I don’t have to take off my C-3PO mask* *shakes head yes*
if the sun is such a cool and great star then why do all the other stars leave when it shows up
You can tell a lot about a person just by noticing how they continue to talk after you’ve sighed six or seven times.
Does anyone know the cheat code to set life to easy mode?
The problem is, once you get the bear in a headlock, you’re going to have to let him go at some point and he’s going to be pissed.
I quit enjoying makeup sex when I realized he looked better in mascara and blush than I do.
COWORKER: I’m my own biggest critic.
ME: Haha, trust me. You aren’t.