I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role then realize I’m not even an actress.
*Pulls gun* Alright give me the money, and don’t try anything stupid.”
*Tries to put a fork in a light socket*
“Hey! What did I just say”!?
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“Why put a baseball bat up when you can just lay it down on a stair in the middle of the stairway? What could go wrong?”
~My son apparently
An old Russian wisdom:
Tell me who your friends are,
And I’ll tell you what
you’ll be charged with.
Nephew: Do you like Minecraft?
Me: [trying to seem cool] I am interested in how mines are built, yes.
[begging for change]
POLICE OFFICER: I’m going to have to ask you to leave
ME: *slamming fists against claw machine* but I’m SO CLOSE
POLICE OFFICER: it’s my turn
“What do you mean there’s not a secret passageway?”
“Sir, this is a library.”
*whispers* “What do you mean there’s not a secret passageway?”
I don’t understand what someone gets out of arguing with a complete stranger.
Fight with your family like the rest of us.
Gf: on a scale from 1-10, how annoyed are you with me right now?
Gf: I can do better than that