Hey geese crossing the road, u can fly.
*puts on a tuxedo*
I’m here to lodge a formal complaint.
You Might Also Like
ME:i need to use the intercom
M:this time for real…my kid’s lost
M:*to entire store*I SEE BED PEOPLE
dad: You’re sitting at the kids table this Thanksgiving
dad: What’s a carburetor?
dad: Who’s SpongeBob’s best friend?
me: Patri- oh
Direct deposit: +1400
Me at Cheesecake Factory: yeah I’ll take one of each slice
I gave one kid a laser pointer and told the other to catch the dot.
Follow me for more pro-parenting tips.
Them: Who hurt you?
Me: *takes deep breath*
[going thru airport security]
“Please turn your laptop on”
*I start to stroke it’s audio input*
“That’s not what I-‘
Me: No no it likes this
“Faster!” I yell, dropping into the bank from the open skylight.
“I’m trying!” Shouts my grandma from above, furiously knitting more cable.
Why don’t we just number the days of the week, like:
Cw: What are you having for lunch?
Me: Unwelcome company it seems.