*puts on a tuxedo*

I’m here to lodge a formal complaint.

*puts on a tuxedo*

I’m here to lodge a formal complaint.

- @tsm560

You Might Also Like


Ben Carson’s book includes a story about single-handedly halting a bear attack during a school camping trip


Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god.  Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV – thought I’d died.


My husband’s favorite place to stand is right in front of whatever cabinet I need.


[pulling out of the driveway on the way to a holiday party]
HUSBAND: Oh, we’re supposed to bring a dessert.


I’ve never actually finished the song “Rock Your Body” by Justin Timberlake because I’m afraid I’ll be naked by the end.


Watched an old man pay in all quarters and my only thought was “he must keep all the money he pulls from behind kid’s ears”


I dream of a day when my toddler can poop and the entire neighborhood doesn’t have to hear her say she’s done.


I asked a friend if he’d eat a piece of dog crap for $1K and he asked “From whose dog?” I’m having a hard time accepting that as a factor.


[during sex]

Can I call my mom? She said this would never happen. Wait-will you call her? Tell her this is happening! She’ll believe you.