[Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy]
“Let’s see who this ghost really is!”
No! Wait, I’m not-
[rip off face]
*gasps* “OLD MAN SKELETON?”
*puts on cloak of invisibility, whooshes past ex, flipping him off
“Jenna, that’s a hoodie, I can see you”
*makes a ghost voice: NoOoOoOo
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boy: i wished girls liked sports
girl: i like sports
boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s
The recipe said “prick with a fork,” but enough about me.
Oh, you wash your clothes each time you wear them? Well la de da, your majesty.
That awkward moment when you realize you were born roughly nine months after 4/20.
That moment when you leave a store but don’t buy anything, and you’re telling yourself, “act natural, you’re innocent.”
WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun
ME: This couch has such great lumber support
THERAPIST: Try to stop
ME: Oakey dokey
humans: we’re gonna eat you
chicken: shit, i guess i better lay some eggs to further the species
humans: cool, we’ll eat those too
What are you listening to?
You’re listening to Yes?
No The Who
Oh I like them
No not Them. The band is The Who.
I am a woman . You are not supposed to know what’s on my mind.
For heaven’s sake, I don’t know what’s on my mind.