yo LA chill out with your restaurant names
Putting on mascara without opening my mouth is on my bucket list
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I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah…..
‘Come over,’ she begged. ‘I need you right now!’
‘Just turn it off and on again,’ he sighed.
He hated these late night rebooty calls.
Movies didn’t prepare us for the apocalypse to be this stupid
“Give me a positive adjective…”
“Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?”
Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips.
I’m so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.
jk rowling: every character will have a meaningful arc. harry finds the family he never had
jk rowling: ron faces his fears. hermione questions authority.
editor: what about, what’s his name, neville?
jk rowling: oh, shawty gets DUMB thicc
at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed