Catholic mass is just Catholic force divided by Catholic acceleration
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn’t Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
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if you come trick or treating at my house you will leave with less candy than what you had
Amazing how each of the kids in Willy Wonka was written to represent a different deadly sin: pride, gluttony, sloth, chewing gum until you become a blueberry, greed, etc.
Don’t mess with me man, I will put glitter on everything you love.
DNA doesn’t make you a parent. Stepping on a lego guy on your way to the bathroom at 3 am does
*adds resume embellisher to resume*
god’s mom: clean your room or i’m throwing away those toys
god: moooom, they’re not toys. they’re dinosaurs!
Cop: Can I see some ID?
Me: No. But you can see this…
[Does that trick where you pretend to detach your thumb]
Rookie cop: I didn’t sign up to fight no wizard sarge
Of course I have my priorities in order. I didn’t say WHAT order.