@DurtMcHurtt: Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating.
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@MattMcElaney: Mom always said she didn't have a favorite child, which was tough because I don't have any brothers or sisters.
@_ISpeakTrue: Guys aren't the only one who get friendzoned! I'm so deep in the friendzone that I've met his girlfriends parents
@randomnloveit: If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine.
@peeznuts: Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed. Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there.