Spice Girls really missed out when they wouldn’t let that girl Pumpkin be in the group
RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN’T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I’M PREGNANT
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Oddly enough, ever since downloading
AdBlock onto my computer …..
all the local girls in my area
seem to have lost interest.
on the toilet 15min: both legs asleep
in bed 3hrs: none of anything asleep
All the “men aint shit” tweets slow down around Valentine’s Day
Chivalry is just the study of green onions right?
People are allowed to change their mind, I whisper, as I reach for a third Cinnabon.
me: what makes you angry
pirate: when someone steals my p
I’m not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won’t make eye contact.
Friend: I’m just not sure if she’s into me.
Me: Try faking your death. If she brings a date to your funeral, I’d say that’s a hard no.