I looked up “thesaurus” in my thesaurus and it says “Don’t be a smart-ass”.
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“Every family on 2013 had ‘quite the year’.” – study conducted using Christmas newsletters
The commando team infiltrates my base, sneaks up behind my guards, and executes the neck twist maneuver. But my owl guards are unharmed.
I’m the Cinderella of finding one shoe at a sale and not finding the other and losing my own along the way.
I was definitely that mouthy preteen girl that told my dad’s girlfriend she’s just a girlfriend for NOW, while I’ll always be his daughter.
well, guess what, Brianne?
Happy 25th anniversary
Tell Dad I said hi
My parents think im a virgin. My boss thinks Im an excellent employee. The government thinks Im an outstanding citizen. Where’s my Oscar?
If Europe uses euros shouldn’t Africa use Afros?
I like my men well-rounded
and covered in sprinkles
wait a minute…
I like donuts
me, 1988: my dad calls everything by the wrong name. why doesn’t he know what anything is
me: 2018: calling my kid’s mindcraft game “computer legos” is way funnier than saying mindcraft and it pisses her off every time
Her: I think I love you
Her: Did I say something wrong?
Me: *running away with only one arm attached* not at all