A fun, gender neutral thing to call your partner: FOOLISH MORTAL
Rand Paul’s full name is Random Politician
You Might Also Like
Me: if a ghostbuster dies and becomes a ghost, do they have to bust themselves
Interviewer: that’s an excellent question about the job
Scott Walker is dropping out of the Presidential race. In a nationwide poll of likely voters nearly 98% responded to the news with, “Who?”
*tosses incriminating letter into the fireplace*
ME: will someone please light a fire in this fireplace
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I’m not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, “K” so it must be pretty bad.
Here are 5 things you should know about me:
1. I’m very secretive
Nice try, poison.
Me: “I gotta do things” …
Body: “you did things yesterday shut up”.
I thought I saw Bradley Cooper but it was just every poem ever written formed into a beach sunset with amazing hair
No Fitbit, I didn’t walk 18,937 steps today, I had a Sign Language final.