*reads menu for reasonable amount of time
“I’ll take the food.”
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I’ve finally stopped drinking for good.
And I’ve started drinking for evil.
Not saying I’m special but kids these days never have any money behind their ears.
ARTHUR: Knights, I have a dangerous mission for you.
SIR LANCELOT: I shall go.
SIR GALAHAD: We all shall go.
SIR VEY: Okay, actually, just—quick poll—who else does NOT want to go?
Bad day? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Unmotivated? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Don’t like rap? Listen to 90s rap Problem solved
That moment when you hear a weird noise in the house and you’re so lazy you think “Meh, whatever. I had a good run.”
*puts words between two asterisks*
Her: what state do you live in?
me: *slides $10 to barista* you know what to do
barista: [when my drink is ready] Brad Pitt!
me: oh no i’m not him lol. people confuse us all the time though.
ME: Velma cant see anything without her glasses, so in order to find her glasses, she needs to be wearing them
PRIEST: Those are your vows?