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@novicefather: *reads menu for reasonable amount of time
"I'll take the food."
@thedad: Doctor: I’m afraid you’ve got chronic updog
Me, embarrassed that I don’t know what the word chronic means: ah well, you win some you lose some
@GothikRokkit: Facebook asks what I'm thinking.
Twitter asks what I'm doing.
Google asks where I am.
The internet has turned into my girlfriend.
@Mr_Kapowski: I'm that guy who plays Pictionary and draws the shittiest representation of the clue and spends the entire time circling it at various speed
@rdthought: Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day.
Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy.
@momsense_ensues: Having a conversation with my oldest we came to this impasse:
5: No mom, not chicken the animal, chicken the food!
Me: Oh man, buddy...I’ve got bad news for you.