ANIMALS IT’S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA
2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR
3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark
REALTOR: what size home are you looking for?
OLD LADY WHO LIVED IN A SHOE: 11 , 11 1/2
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The second I feel pressured to do something, I’m out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it’s bath time.
Once an octopus figures out how to do roundhouse kicks, humans are pretty much done
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
I love children, especially when they cry and someone takes them away.
Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.
I’m not a bad person, although once I blew a paper straw cover at my husband and it stuck in a lady’s hair and I didn’t tell her.
DOG 1: left paw green
DOG 2: i told u this was a terrible idea
DOG 1: cmon Jim just pick the green one
DOG 2: THEYRE ALL GREY GARY