@aligarchy: recently at a party i overheard someone start a sentence with "i actually remember being born" and i just put down my drink and left
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@dorsalstream: [kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT.
@thequeensheart: I’ve banged my pinky toe so many times in the past week it has an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a STD test.
@treydayway: I hate when people use words without knowing the meaning...gives me a huge hysterectomy on the side of my head.