@DaHess1: Referring to another employee as a "gingeraffe"will land you in sensitivity training...no matter how tall and redheaded they are.
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@Gupton68: The only thing worse than discovering that celery is an aphrodisiac, is knowing that people who eat celery may actually have sex.
@knew_nic: A friend’s 90 yo grandma just won an award for doing the most Jell-O shots in her retirement community. As if I needed more evidence that I’m not living my best life.
@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.