CW: The boss said she wanted to see you.
Me: That’s flattering, but I don’t date people from work.
Relationship status: the doorbell rings, my heart is pounding, it’s the pizza delivery guy. Three-cheese, double toppings, thick crust.
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You’re in a work meeting and your boss asks, “Any questions?”
The answer is always, NO.
Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
Me: You’ve changed
Why do I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while we have bears out there using Charmin?
PSA: Don’t EVER let your printer know that you’ve waited until the last minute to print something out and you’re in hurry because they can sense fear.
No thanks, diet. I don’t trust words that are 75% die.
I’m so proud of myself. I went to Costco hungry and only spent $17,000.
Maybe I’m driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON’T KNOW.