Officer: “didn’t you know that sleeping in your car on the side of the road is illegal ?”
Me: “yes I did officer. But this isn’t my car”
Me: I’m heading off now.
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When a couple I’m friends with splits up, I always choose sides with the one who won’t ask to sleep on my couch.
Every Independence Day I get a little bit disappointed when aliens don’t try to take over the world.
It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas
Today my 6yo said it was good it’s snowing, as that means the earth isn’t getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News.
[Social Media Addiction Club]
Hi, my name is Brenda, and I’m addicted to social media.
*no one looks up from their phone* Hi, Brenda.
Can I come inside the house?
Why do you treat me like a doormat?
Me: You ARE a doormat
Doormat: Wow, the truth finally comes out!
*cheats at bowling by rolling into the pins*
*pulls up to window*
Me: *on phone* Ok, so you want a chocolate shake also? Ok, I’ll get two then. *phone rings while its at my ear*
What if the first tire-swing was left there as a warning to other tires?