The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.
reminder that winnie the pooh wore a crop top with no panties and ate his favorite food and loved himself and you can too
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Interviewer: “Your resume says you’re good at jumping to conclusions?”
Me: “When can I start?”
A Canadian has a bad day:
(Traps a goose, and casts a spell)
Fly my lovely. Be aggressive. Block traffic, and shit everywhere. Be my wrath..
My pastor insists that being gay is wrong, yet he ends all his letters with the words “In Him”
Perplexed in Poughkeepsie
3 things you never get back :
A word after it’s said
Time after it’s passed
Your pen if I really like it
So the waiter said “The plate is hot” and I said “I’ll be the judge of that, haha.” Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center.
We’re just a typical family. My wife is in the kitchen baking her secret recipe cupcakes and my sons are outside lighting the shed on fire.
I never had to swim for my life in a shark attack but once I had to doggy-paddle really fast to get out of a pool when it was dessert time.
My son just blurted out “crazy that fish breathe a beverage” and then carried on talking about other stuff but I can’t stop thinking about it.