Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Pancake mix is too runny. Adds mix. Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Feeds family 120 pancakes.
“Removing my make up”
Or how I like to call it:
“Reset face to factory settings”
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My attention span is shorter than donuts are better with sprinkles.
Oh so everyone praises the movie ‘Her’ but when I loved my Sims everyone was like “we’re worried” & “you’ve been playing 72 hours straight”
Her: Babe! Be careful! The stove is hot!
Me winking and leaning on the stove: You’re Hot, Baby.
911: What’s your emergency?
Me, walking around the limbo bar: Imbeciles
Judge: you’ve been charged with assault
Batman: you mean battery
Judge: no it was physical assault
Batman: *whispers* batsault
Mechanic: Start it up and let me hear it.
Mechanic: Oh that doesn’t sound right.
Me: THAT’S WHY I’M HERE AND NOT AT SUBWAY
Bouncer: Woah. Dress code
Me: This is a suit
B: Yeah, a chicken suit.
*puts nugget in bouncer’s pocket
M: We good?
B: Have fun, sir
Seriously how ugly was Little Red Riding Hood’s grandma?
Sometimes 4chan can be a beautiful place.