waiter: welcome, have you dined here with us before?
me: no but I know how to order food
You Might Also Like
[space mission studying behaviour of snakes on the moon]
astronaut: “we should’ve taken our own”
astronaut holding net: “just keep looking”
It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.
How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?
DATE: Do you like cats?
ME: *flipping menu* What page are you on?
6y/o: Mommy, do you know what a Ouija board is?
6y/o: Let’s get one so we can talk to you later.
Walk up to the guy with a popped collar and spiked hair & say “What’s up, Chad?” & he’ll be all “Whoa… How’d you know my name, bro?”
I texted my husband and reminded him that you guys told me a couple of weeks ago that it doesn’t take 6 hours to play 18 holes of golf.
His response, “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”
ME: Thanks for all you did man. It’s because of people like you, we have our freedom.
HIM: Again, I’m a veterinarian.
Hate it when I try to make a snow angel and it turns out as a pentagram instead
[Justice League Disney Hotel]
Me: can I have some help with my bags?
Aquaman: Sure. Water friends for.