@fro_vo

[rhyme factory]
BOSS: get cracking on those words that rhyme with “ow”
WORKER: yes sir
bow
cow
dow
how
*boss looks away*
low
mow
*boss looks back*
now
pow
*boss looks away again*
row
sow
tow
*boss looks back*
vow
wow

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David Beckham says he will retire at the end of this season, mainly because he ran out of ideas on how to do his next haircut.

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*tucking t-shirt into tighty whities*

Time to seize the day.

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*Nick bursts through the door* HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE

@AndyAsAdjective

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-You mean pinched

[flashback to the 6 people I punched earlier]

It’s pinched?

@Douchekevin

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@memes_byashley

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Parents out there naming their kids things like, Montana and Carolina and Dakota, but you never see anyone with the balls to name their kid, Idaho.

@krisv_723

*Watching tv*
Him: wtf are you eating?
Me: Cotton candy. *stuffing more in my mouth* The attic is full of it but I think it’s stale.

@_SetTheHook_

I’m just gonna put an egg under my kid’s pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must’ve went out drinking the night before.