GF: You okay to drive?
Me: I’m fine.
GF: You FEEL okay, but what would you blow?
M: 2 guys, tops.
Ribbed condoms don’t taste like ribs.
I know this now.
You Might Also Like
Coworkers: Zack, you should come to a hookah bar with us!
Me: Why? Who’s celebrating their 12th birthday?
Thank God for that one person who gets on the elevator and takes charge.
mom: no TV for a week!
dad: and after you take a bath you can’t use your hands to get out of the tub
*sons jaw drops*
mom: [whispers] nice
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
C’mon guys, just 50 more likes and her father will love her.
Him: Shall we have sex?
Her: I want to wait til we’re married
Him: Ugh fine
Priest: Shall I continue?
NO BUT REALLY
surprise your partner in the bedroom by loudly turning into a helicopter
What idiot called it celiac disease when they could have gone with gluten for punishment?