@Nadia_Vuitton

Ribbed condoms don’t taste like ribs.

I know this now.

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@Tmoney68

[Leaving bar]

GF: You okay to drive?

Me: I’m fine.

GF: You FEEL okay, but what would you blow?

M: 2 guys, tops.

GF:

M:

GF:

M: What?

@Mr_Kapowski

Coworkers: Zack, you should come to a hookah bar with us!

Me: Why? Who’s celebrating their 12th birthday?

@iwearaonesie

mom: no TV for a week!
dad: and after you take a bath you can’t use your hands to get out of the tub
*sons jaw drops*
mom: [whispers] nice

@markydoodoo

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

@Sarcasmo718

C’mon guys, just 50 more likes and her father will love her.

@MarfSalvador

Him: Shall we have sex?

Her: I want to wait til we’re married

Him: Ugh fine

Priest: Shall I continue?

@urbanfriendden

surprise your partner in the bedroom by loudly turning into a helicopter

@ObiWanPunobi

What idiot called it celiac disease when they could have gone with gluten for punishment?