@parkersJoking: Right now the parents of the kid who climbed Trump Tower are thinking "Damn I knew we shouldn't have given him that REI gift card"
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@_sleepysmile: Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
@emily_murnane: My therapist keeps telling me to stop comparing myself to other people—that life’s not a competition. Which, to be fair, is exactly what I’d say to someone I was trying to beat, too.
@dumbbeezie: Back to the Future but it’s just me trying to break my parents up at the school dance