@Home_Halfway

ROSE: I’ll never let go Jack

JACK: You have room

ROSE: I’ll never let go

JACK: You’re in a sailboat

ROSE: Goodbye Jack

JACK: You have a cooler of beer on deck

ROSE:

JACK: The boat has a living room

ROSE:

JACK:

ROSE: Dude can’t you just take a hint

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@thegoodgodabove

It’s 100% legal to give cops the finger. But remember, it’s also apparently 100% legal for them to shoot and kill you.

@reallifemommy3

I “accidentally” made a double batch of cookie dough and then somehow ran out of room in the freezer so I was forced to bake it all at which point I discovered that I have no available Tupperware so I had to eat 50 cookies.

@sarabellab123

Kids will interrupt your really important conversations to ask questions like, “which door do you think the zombies will come through? The front door or the back door?”

@JediGigi

Mom said I should only date “a good man” and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW.

@13spencer

“I’m an actress”

I watched your web series, and I disagree.

@jazmasta

“Please. I need this” I whisper as a 14 year old girl starts to get the better of me in an arm wrestling match.

@ACartoonCat

*first date*
Her: im pretty into extreme sports

Me: cool me too! which ones?

Her: you know…snowboarding, skateboarding

Me: *sadly putting away beyblade* oh yeah me to me to

@michael_raphone

BOSS: I’m sorry mike, but you’ve been downsized
ME: (75% of my original size, in a voice 125% higher pitched) ahh maaan

@junejuly12

Friends don’t take videos of friends playing drunk Twister in positions that only gynecologists should ever see.