If the camera adds 10 lbs. & Mirrors don’t lie..Why in the World would a Woman ever take her picture in the bathroom mirror? It defies logic
Roses are flowers, violets are flowers, I’d love you more if you had super powers.
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Pro: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.
Con: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.
In Hell, you’re surrounded by people saying ‘suposably’ and ‘irregardless.’
If the British had won, today we’d all be celebrating the Fouurth of July
If an assassin ever wanted to kill me but make it look like an accident they could just wait until I was walking down the stairs with a plateful of nachos and throw me a pizza
When my Uncle died the obituary said that he ‘passed away in the warmth of his own home.’
It was a house fire.
Seismologists are loyal to a fault
Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it “resisting arrest.”
me: I would sell my soles for some chocolate right now
devil: done! wait, what the h-
me: no takebacksies
devil: *holding a pair of sensible flats* damnit
There was a spider in my bathroom so I threw the cat at it. The spider is dead but the cat’s pretty pissed